Kids

Kids!

I don't know what's wrong with these kids today!

Kids!

Who can understand anything they say?

Kids!

They are disobedient

Disrespectful oafs!

Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers!

And while we're on the subject:

Kids!

You can talk and talk till your face is blue!

Kids!

But they still just do what they want to do!

Why can't they be like we were

Perfect in every way?

What's the matter with kids today?

Kids!

I have tried to raise you the best I could

Kids!

All the things I've done were for your own good

Kids!

Can't you once appreciate

How I've sacrificed?

Working, slaving, scrimping, saving, pennies!

And living with your father

Kids!

No one knows the burdens I've had to bear

And in my condition

Kids!

I'm a poor sick woman and does he care? Ha!

Go on go on and kill me

That's what its coming to

When a mother has kids like you[HARRY]

Kids!

All the chicken soup that I made for you!

[ALBERT}

Momma, take it easy

Kids!

Now you throw me out like a worn-out shoe

Not in front of everybody

Mom, after all I haven't been such an awful son

I never sass you back or leave a ring around the bathtub

And don't I always phone you?

Kids!

You can give your life to 'em night and day

Kids!

Then they go get married[MAE]

Married? Ahh!

And go away

Why do we have these children?

Better to have a pet

You know where you stand with a pet

(Dog bites Harry on the leg)

Ahh! Eghhh!

I never asked for nothin'

Nothin' is what you get

Oh, what's the matter with kids to-(Spoken interlude)

I tried, Lou, but I failed

You didn't, momma, you didn't

Don't try to pay me back, sonny. I forgive you. So what if you're an ingrate? As long as you're happy

I don't want to be happy

Just make believe I'm a used car. Junk me. Leave me in the gutter

I'll never leave you, never!

You heard him! You're a witness

I promise, mama. I never broke a promise to my mama

Good boy!

(Sung)

Why can't they be like Albert?

Perfect in every way

What's the matter with kids?

Yeah, what's the matter with kids?

{ENSEMBLE]

Nothing's the matter with kids today