Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday (feat. The Kung Pao Buckaroos)

And now, the Grand Ole Opry Theater proudly presents

A special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo holiday

Whatever you do, watch what you say

If you're easily offended, well, that's okay

It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night

Huddled around a campfire

How about we sing some holiday songs?

Yeah, hey George, you want to lead us off?

Yeah, I got one

Oh –mas tree, oh –mas tree

How lovely are thy branches

Why am I getting bleeped again?

Haven't you heard guys, you can't say –mas, you gotta say holiday

I can't say –mas?

No, you might offend somebody

Who is offended by –mas?

You know, you might offend the b– and the b– and the atheists (what)

It's time to be politically correct

I'll lead us off

On the first day of –mas, my true love sent to me

Jimmy, are you listening?

What?

You can't say –mas

Why not?

If you can say h– on the last record, why can't I say –mas?

I didn't make the rules

Hey listen guys, it's not that difficult

All you gotta do is change –mas to holiday

You know, instead of saying white –mas

You say, I'm dreaming of a – holiday

Why did I get bleeped?

You've got to say Caucasian

So I have to sing, I'm dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?

Sure, that won't offend anyone

This is so stupid

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo holiday

Whatever you do, watch what you say

If you're easily offended, well, that's okay (why do these people get to feel that way?)

(How can one be offended so easily)

It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

I'm just trying to come up with a song here

Let's sing one together

Everybody ready?

George? (Ready!)

Bill, you ready? (I'm ready)

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

Jimmy! (Okay)

We three kings of h– are buried in a state of travel real far (oh, wait a minute)

Oh, sorry boys, you have to say Asia now

What?

Oh, come on, just try

I've got to get hyped up for this

We three kings of Asia are (that sounds like – school)

Lord, okay

How about little drummer boy?

Nope, that offends short people

And you can't say drummer, because that will offend real musicians

How about little town of bad boys?

What's with all the short jokes?

Hey, how about we do silently?

Nope, it'll offend people hard of hearing and afraid of the dark (silent night)

What do you say about a short chart?

This happens every year

Well, it's a Kung Pao Buckaroo holiday

Whatever you do, watch what you say

If you're easily offended, well, that's okay

It's a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

Ho, ho, ho

No

I can't say ho?

No, you might offend some women

So basically, we can't sing anything

I think that's a bunch of bull–

Softer, George, it's more effective

I think that's a bunch of bull

Wait, just – a minute

I've never – been so (no, no, no)

You know what?

I don't care who we offend

I'm gonna sing –mas carols if I want to sing –mas carols

That, there, Bill, is more effective

I don't care who we offend

I'm going to sing –mas carols if I want to sing –mas carols

Me too

We wish you a merry –mas

We wish you a merry –mas

We wish you a merry –mas

And a happy new year

You can't say new, it'll offend the old folks

And you better not offend them

Us

Yeah