Burlington Bertie From Bow

I'm Bert, p'raps you've heard of me

Bert, you've had word of me

Jogging along, hearty and strong

Living on plates of fresh air

I dress up in fashion

And when I am feeling depressed

I shave from my cuff all the whiskers and fluff

Stick my hat on and toddle up West

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty

And saunter along like a toff

I walk down the Strand with my gloves on my hand

Then I walk down again with them off

I'm all airs and graces, correct easy paces

Without food so long I've forgot where my face is

I'm Bert, Bert, I haven't a shirt

But my people are well off you know

Nearly everyone knows me from Smith to Lord Rosebr'y

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow

I stroll with Lord Hurlington

Roll in The Burlington

Call for Champagne, walk out again

Come back and borrow the ink

I live most expensive

Like Tom Lipton I'm in the swim

He's got so much 'oof', he sleeps on the roof

And I live in the room over himI'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty

And saunter along Temple Bar

As round there I skip

I keep shouting 'Pip Pip!'

And the darn'd fools think I'm in my car

At Rothchilds I swank it

My body I plank it

On his front door step with 'The Mail' for a blanket

I'm Bert, Bert, and Rothchild was hurt

He said ' You can't sleep there' I said 'Oh'

He said 'I'm Rothchild sonny!' I said 'That's damn'd funny

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow'

I smile condescendingly

While they're extending me

Cheer upon cheer when I appear

Captain with my polo team

So strict are my people

They're William the Conqueror's strain

If they ever knew I'd been talking to you

Why they'd never look at me again

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty

And reach Kempton park around three

I stand by the rail, when a horse is for sale

And you ought to see Wooton watch me

I lean on some awning while Lord Derby's yawning

Then he bids two thousand and I bid Good Morning

I'm Bert, Bert, I'd buy one, a cert

But where would I keep it you know

I can't let my man see me in bed with a gee-gee

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow!My pose, Tho' ironical

Shows that my monocle

Holds up my face, keeps it in place

Stops it from slipping away

Cigars, I smoke thousands

I usually deal in The Strand

But you've got to take care when you're getting them there

Or some idiot might stand on your hand

I'm Burlington Bertie, I rise at ten thirty

And Buckingham Palace I view

I stand in the yard while they're changing the guard

And the queen shouts across "Toodle oo"!

The Prince of Wales' brother along with some other

Slaps me on the back and says "Come and see Mother"

But I'm Bert, Bert, and Royalty's hurt

When they ask me to dine I say no

I've just had a banana with Lady Diana

I'm Burlington Bertie from Bow