The Ballad of Dorothy Parker

Dorothy was a waitress on the promenade

She worked the night shift

Dishwater blonde

Tall and fine

She got a lot of tips

Well

Earlier I'd been talkin' stuff in a violent room

Fightin' with a lover's past

I needed someone with a quicker wit than mine

Dorothy was fast

Well

I ordered

"Yeah, lemme get a fruit cocktail

I ain't too hungry"

Dorothy laughed

She said "sound like a real man 2 me

U're kinda cute

Do u wanna take a bath?" (do you want, do you want)

Oh, I said "cool, but I'm leaving my pants on cuz I'm kinda going with someone"

She said "sound like a real man 2 me

Mind if I turn on the radio?

Oh, my favorite song!" she said, and it was Joni singing "Help me, I think I'm falling..."

Ring!

The phone rang and she said "whoever's calling can't be as cute as u"

Right then and there I knew I was through

Dorothy Parker was cool

Well...

My pants were wet

They came off but she didn't see the movie cuz she hadn't read the book first

Instead, she pretended she was blind - an affliction brought on by the witch's curse

Dorothy made me laugh

I felt much better so I went back to the violent room

Let me tell u what I did...

I took another bubble bath with my pants on

All the fighting stopped

Next time I'll do it sooner

This is the ballad of Dorothy Parker (Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker)

Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker

Well

Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker, Dorothy Parker

Well