I Want to Be Evil

I've posed for pictures with Iv'ry Soap

I've petted stray dogs and shied clear of dope

My smile is brilliant, my glance is tender

But I'm noted most for my unspoiled gender

I've been made Miss Reingold, though I never touch beer

And I'm the person to whom they say, "You're sweet, my dear"

The only etchings I've seen have been behind glass

And the closest I've been to a bar is at ballet class

Prim and proper, the girl who's never been kissed

I'm tired of being pure and not chased

Like something that seeks its level

I wanna go to the devil

I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks

I wanna be evil, and cheat at jacks

I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies

I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies

I want to wake up in the morning

With that dark brown taste

I want to see some dissipation in my face

I wanna be evil, I wanna be mad

But more that that I wanna be bad

I wanna be evil and trump an ace

Just to see my partner's face

I wanna be nasty, I wanna be cruel

I wanna be daring, I wanna shoot pool

And in the theatre

I want to change my seat

Just so I can step on

Everybody's feet

I wanna be evil, I wanna hurt flies

I wanna sing songs like the guy who cries

I wanna be horrid, I wanna drink booze

And whatever I've got I'm eager to lose

I wanna be evil, little evil me

Just as mean and evil as I can be