i’m thinking about horses

I'm thinking about horses

I'm thinking about God

Is it a he or a she or a feeling or love?

Does she personally ordain every occurrence in every moment

Or did she set the universe in motion and then move on?

To try and top her achievement

Maybe this universe wasn't an achievement at all

Maybe our lives, our wars, our fuckups, our diseases, our love,

Our humanity, our passion, our pennies,

Our holocaust

Are all just a rehearsal before the show

A sketch before the mural, a stretch before the jump

Does she love me?

Does God know I'm here?

I'm thinking about god

I'm thinking about sex

I've been holy all day and acted in ways that

deserve adjectives like honorable, good and straight

But it's after 10 PM now and I'm bored

I watched a movie on the internet alone and now it's over

I pick up my phone and text every female I know within a 15-mile radius

It's a terrible thing that deserves adjectives

like chauvinistic, objectifying, asshole-ish

I made that up just for myself

"Hey Nicole"

"Oh hey, what's up Mike? I'm about to get in bed, you?"

'I'm chillin', I just been thinking about you... winky face"

"Haha really random,

I haven't seen you in so long.

What made you think about me?"

"Well, to be honest,

I was watching a movie on the internet and it's over now.

I'm bored and I'm thinking about sex"

I'm thinking about horses

They're so goddamn regal

Their muscles ripple through their skin like waves in a little ocean

Magnificent beasts

But why the fuck do they listen to us?

They're so much bigger

They're so much stronger than they know

but they trade freedom for a dependable meal

They let people get on top of them and tell them where to go

But how can I judge?

Is that not exactly what I do?

Is that not exactly what we all do?

I'm thinking about horses

I'm thinking about dad

He's 70 and he's just starting to get old

Things are gonna change soon

I don't feel ready for the change that's coming soon

I am standing on the beach,

Watching the tsunami grow from a minuscule

rise in the horizon into a monstrous tidal wave

I am not moving, I am not scared, I am not scared

I am not wearing swimwear,

I am standing on the beach, waiting for the tsunami

And dad taught me about love and sacrifice

But that's sorta like a book that you read and forgot about

'Cause I don't love and I don't sacrifice

And youth was my excuse for that but that excuse is getting old

Maybe I'm gay

I'm thinking about dad

I'm thinking about Ronnie

His stepmom kicked him out because he wasn't hers so he moved

to the hood with his mom and 8 half brothers

I stopped hanging out with him then

when he needed my friendship the most

That was 9 years ago

His mom's sick now so he takes care of her and the rest of the family

The oldest

He lives with them in a little house on Schaffer in Detroit

I live with no one in a million dollar house in Los Angeles

I'm thinking about Ronnie

I'm thinking about death

What if this plane goes down?

That would be okay

I had a good run

I wonder if a lot of people would come to my funeral

Maybe my fans would do something special

Maybe they'd cry and maybe it'd be in the newspaper

Yeah, I think I'd get on the Detroit news

Probably not the New York Times

You people will probably like my music more when I'm dead

'Cause they'll know no more is coming

You see people love stories with endings

Right now I'm just a story thats sorta dragging on slowly

Page by page, year by year

But people want an ending,

they want a crash, they want an ear in the fucking mail

I don't have one

All I have is another lousy poem and the knowledge

That I'll probably die somewhere, confused and decrepit in a nursing home

But I don't think this plane's gonna crash

I'm thinking about Otis

I'm thinking about Kurt

I'm thinking about Dilla

I'm thinking about Death