Ozzie Girl

So, um

Actually, I was in love with this fellow's best friend

He was way more good looking

And, um, anyway, he fancied my best friend

So that kinda screwed things up for me

But I thought, you know, if I get together with the best mate

I get to hang out with the guy I really like

So I did, you know, um

But I was a virgin and he was not

That's true, he was also, I think, a drug addict already

But, um, anyway

So we hung out as a foursome a lot

He was a terrible kisser

And the other guy looked a really good kisser

I used to watch the others kissing and it was, like, hot, really hot

Anyway, finally, we go to this party

And my sister is dating this guy I'm seeing's brother, right

So they go off for a wander in the fields

And I know what they're going to do

And then the guy I'm seeing says

"Do you wanna go for a walk?"

And I'm like, "Oh, shit"

But I went, "Okay, sure"

And he was leaving that night to go to the airport

So I thought, you know, what can go wrong?

If it does go wrong, he's leaving

So, you know, if he abducts me, he

Can only abduct me for, like, an hour

So then we go for a walk

And, uh, we lie down in this field

And there's a full moon, so romantic

Except it's not romantic

'Cause there are fucking prickles all over my arse

And, like, in my head and my neck

And he's, like, dry humping me

But I just go with it, you know

And then he's, like, getting his donger out

And putting it on, you know, what?

And then he goes, "Guide me"

And I'm like, "No"