The Man Who Couldn't Cry

There once was a man and he couldn't cry

He hadn't cried for years and for years

Napalmed babies, the movie love story

For instance could not produce tears

As a child he had cried as all children will

Then at some point his tear ducts all ran dry

Grew to be a man, it all hit the fan

Things got bad, but he couldn't cry

His dog got ran over, his wife up and left him

After that he got sacked from his job

Lost his arm in the war, was left at by a whore

Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob

Well, his novel was refused, and his movie was panned

His big Broadway show was a flop

He got sent off to jail, you guessed it, no bail

Oh, but still not a dribble or drop

In jail he was beaten, bullied and buggered

And made to make license plates

Water and bread was all he was fed

Not once did a tear stain his face

Doctors were called in, scientists, too

Theologians were last and practically least

They all agreed sure enough; this is no cream puff

Oh, but in fact an insensitive beast

He was taken from jail and placed in a place

For the insensitive and the insane

He made lot of friends and he played lot of chess

And he cried every time it would rain

Once it rained forty days and it rained forty nights

And he cried, and he cried, and he cried, and he cried

On the forty-first day he passed away

He just dehydrated and died

He went up to heaven, located his dog

After that, he rejoined his arm

Below all the critics, they took it all back

Cancer robbed the whore of her charm

His ex-wife died of stretch marks

His ex-employer went broke

The theologians were finally found out

Right down to the ground

The jail house burned down

And the earth suffered perpetual drought