Panic Attack

169

Look, I bet them boys think I'm panicking

Itching to see how I handle it

When snakes start rattling, calm

I can show you about harm

Put blades in the palms, half the length of my arm

I end up in a station and I'm staring into space like a mannequin in Clarks

I ain't panicking, I ain't had a random change of heart

Cash points and cannabis

You cocaine snort, if you think I got caught

I'm kicking like a stallion

I lived in a yard where my mummy tried hard

For all the things that I wanted but my money was inadequate

Probably be killed by my cousins back in Africa

If they knew I risked my free water, hot food and resources

Every day to dress nicer on a camera

I don't need your input, fuck you and your manager

Fuck him and his lame job

It's been two years, you're sitting in the same spot

Chilling in the same blocks

Me and you are different

You talk about beef

While I plan your route home bruv

I run up in your safe spot and leave the place taped off

It's deeper than the name drop

Real problems don't need discussions

I fear God and not repercussions

Look, I'm only angry at the choices that I didn't make

I don't regret what I did but what I didn't say

And for this money I'm on a different wave

It's why I ain't written in this will when I say I'm on his estate

It comes arms well I've got an entourage like Vinny Chase

This ain't Chiraq, we don't need a .38

Just two young g's, one Nike pouch and his little blade

And if you live that day, give thanks to your God

'Cause there isn't one prayer mummy didn't say

Still wonder what my dad would say

And it's fucked 'cause I just wanted us to bond

Like Sean Connery and Daniel Craig

No first steps, nah, my daddy couldn't see me cry

I'm still searching for the reason why

I was 6 months old at a bus stop

My mum, no home struggling to ketamine like a legal high

When so volatile, look over the reasons why

People die, man this beef never sleeps or slides

Man are dying over minor violations

So I keep the beef and the bread separate like TGI's

They touch us and we pay 'em back like it's PPI

Fuck it, let's ride, get animated like CGI

Dead being a hype man

Can't find my man and then I'll settle for his right hand

You can't buy heart remember

Hawk eye, you think these undercover cars could get us

Or that I can't spot the bacon in the passing Vectras

Don't you find it funny that I study law

And still recruit young fraud stars like I'm Harvey Specter

Hot headed, I swear that I had a dream though

A young fire before I had spoken with Avelino

And nowadays music's got my schedule looking hectic

I ain't got a timeline, I'm Travolta with Tarantino

Look, I ain't slacking, it's money over passion

I mean passion over money, hate this money with a passion

Money is just a paper

I got value of my assets, I got value of my mental

It's me, Fraser or 169 on an instrumental

I swear that'll make it rapping

Even if that kills me I swear that'll make it happen

On my digital piano until my hands bled literally

I was smashing keys 'til my fingers grew callus

How could I fear rappers?

I feel words, hear colours, defeat challenge

Give thanks to my synaesthesia

I ain't a rapper I'm a fucking genius

So when I see you don't panic

Remember what you said on the roads, there's no lacking

I don't wanna see you draw for your boot, there's no time

I'll jump out the passenger side like there's no traffic

Catch you with your girl or your mum, you'd do the same

So we'll take you to an inch of your life for all your chatting

Shut your fucking mouth and make p's

I used to let disrespect slide to make peace

Now it's like I'm stuck in two minds in my reaction

'Cause my pride and my ego turned giant like James Dean

I'm a mess right, and if that catty doesn't fuck me the third time

With no strings attached like a test drive

I'm telling her I'm cutting in the next five

All communication breaking down like an enzyme

My second's the most precious commodity I invest time

I was late every day straight for three years

Guess that's two ways that I could never make a deadline

I was out in Powerleague Norbury in my north face camo

In the rain, hail, sleet, with my football in a deadline

Scraping by on pennies, trying to link a jezzy

On my 8520 and I couldn't link one

Squares was a game

Had me all stressed

Got finessed by my main

And he didn't get touched

Had me sitting there pissed

Thinking 'bout my people

All the times that we missed

Like have you ever lost love?

Have you ever had a guy that would die so you live in a cage

Kept away from your brother and your mum

In my world you're unsure to the people you can trust

And when you lose the only person that was there from the jump

I'm as humble as they come

And I ain't changed from the knife and the cypher

To the shotgun shells in the party with a pump

Ask Edem, ask Paddy

With squares I had strikers but I'm more like Ibra

Over Vardy when it's beef

Because I hardly ever run I've got pride

I've seen man running for their life

Get caught, now they're covering their heart and their lungs

With their arms on his ones 'cause his right hand panicked

And I don't even blame him

Seen a man scream while he bleeds on the pavement

Guts in his hands, civilians with tissue putting pressure where the pain is

The panic as you fade in, blocking out sounds

Like your body shuts down when your organs start failing

Knife crime dangerous, next day famous

Give it six years they won't remember what your name is

Everything changes when your case isn't relevant

And all the guys who claim they would ride in your name

Looking lost, them boys don't have half the heart to settle it

I've seen a whole class end up dead or in jail

Ask Scales about times he was chilling with my brother

In a chicken shop opposite the entrance to Tennyson's

Everybody's dying, but nobody is rising up a Remington

We've got shanks, and false hope everybody's selling it

You ain't getting rich quick trying to sell big bits

Too lazy to work so you want to own a business

Or a clothing line, no vision

You can't cut corners in a line of life

Karma's like the tightest vice, I'm running on my own

CCTV's in your hands bro, they've got it in your phone

If they catch me going home

Looking for another young rapper to expose

I'm probably cutting from the scene

'Cause with the evidence they gain I'm getting more than just assault

I ain't living for the 'Gram, man are snitching on the cam

If I hit him then I'm dumb, but if he dips me he's the man

I can't win, there's no way I'm handling that

If I run then I'm a neek, but if I don't then I'm a fool

So on road I'm looking happy

But I'm screaming in my head having panic attacks

They got me anxious

I'm two wrong responses from a shanking at any given time

I been there and done that on many different nights

It's probably the reason, I got many different rhymes

I'm really livin' life