Selfish (feat. James Blake)

What if I'm selfish? What if I'm the reason behind it?

What if I'm overprotective with family because of how mine is?

What if I'm jealous? Maybe that's what's makin' me nervous

What if my effort of pullin' you close are pushin' you further?

What if I'm selfish? What if the reason they call me the greatest

Is also the reason that me and you livin' on different pages?

What if I'm too much? What if I settled and I didn't fight?

What if my fear of doin' it wrong's the reason I haven't been doin' it right?

What if I'm selfish? What if the kids just wanna be kids

And don't wanna live in and outta the news and chill, and don't even wanna be rich?

And what if I'm so self-centred that I don't even realise what I could miss?

And what if I'm, what if I'm fallin' in the abyss? Maybe it's (what if I'm) yeah

Maybe it's dark, maybe it's day, maybe it's too many nights in L.A.

Look at the house in Surrey and still, all of the feelings we hid in the Hills

Maybe it's you, maybe it's me, maybe the media or the provokin'

Gave you my heart, I laid it bare, funny you went and you poked it

What if it's better with me out the way? What if it's better with me out the

Like, what if it's better with me out the way? What if I'm poison? What if I'm cancer?

What if I'm dangerous and I'm wild? Look in my eyes, you're seein' a child

What if he's broken? What if he's scared? What if he's ostracised and vilified? (Mm)

See, peace is just an illusion, ain't got a home, I live in confusion, what if I'm selfish?

Forever, forever, forever

I manage the symptoms forever

You can love how you want

I know to give is no loss

Can you settle for second

And let go of your idea of Heaven?

I know it's a lot

But it might be all that I've got

I wanna throw myself in

Snap off the mask

I want a clown that sings

And a love that lasts

I wanna escape the weddin'

Go with you to the carriage

I wanna give you my life

Or at least somethin' to cherish

But what if I'm selfish?

I done a lotta things I regret, like announcin' our split on a text

Don't know why, but I still buy gifts for my ex, watchin' her stories to see if she checks

I'm a mess, I don't know if my head's in the game

She told me don't mention her name, I'm suggestin' the same

I'ma get through the pain, wanna see the sunshine, gotta get through the rain

Bag full of trauma, I left on the train

I'm ashamed for the days that I said that I changed, I'm a cheat

Sat in a therapist chair cryin' like a baby in the middle of a Harley Street

Like I'm fightin' this sickness that I can't beat, I'm disloyal

And then I go mad, reflection tellin' me I'm just like my dad

And this white woman tellin' me it ain't so bad

Middle of my sentence she cut me off, like, "Sorry, David, we don't have any more time

Your appointment 'til 4:00, and it's 3:55", bruh, I feel like she wouldn't even care if I died

Man, I tried all this therapy shit, man, I tried all this therapy shit

Bruh, I know, wouldn't even say I'm depressed, but I'm low in the Grosvenor Casino in Edgware Road

I've got too many sins to atone and a voice in my head, like

At this point, like, at this point where you shoulda been rich, like

At this point where you shoulda had kids, like

At this point shoulda built you a life, like

Look around you, don't you feel you're behind? Like

Look around you, don't you feel you're behind? Like

Look around you, don't you feel like, like

What if I never find love? Don't know if it's scarier, the thought of us two together or bein' alone

I'm so used to bein' alone

What if I'm somebody nobody wants?

What if I'm damaged or what if I waited too long

And have mould on me? What if I'm cold on me?

What if I cut off the hand that I hold on me?

What if I'm rapidly spiralin' and tired and jaded?

Or what if I'm faded? Or what if anxiety's growin' inside me

That I might have left all my best years behind me?

Or what if I'm scared as I touch 27 that you don't appear in my idea of Heaven?

Or what if I'm, what if I'm, what if I'm selfish?