To Keep My Love Alive

I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed

"I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always a bride"

I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart

Yet remember these sweet words, "'Til death do us part"

I married many men, a ton of them

Because I was untrue to none of them

Because I bumped off every one of them

To keep my love alive

Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me

At night, he was a horse's neck to me

So I performed an appendectomy

To keep my love alive

Sir Thomas had insomnia, he couldn't sleep at night

I bought a little arsenic, he's sleeping now all right

Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing

I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing

And now he plays where harps are just the thing

To keep my love alive

To keep my love alive

I thought Sir George had possibilities

But his flirtations made me ill at ease

And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease

To keep my love alive

Sir Charles came from a sanatorium

And yelled for drinks in my emporium

I mixed one drink, he's in memorium

To keep my love alive

Sir Francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that's why

I tossed him off my balcony to see if he could fly

Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide

He killed his dad and that was patricide

One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side

To keep my love alive

To keep my love alive

To keep my love alive