Goodbye, Porkpie Hat

Man, there was this clown

And he was a real happy guy, a real happy guy

He had all these greens and all these yellows

And all these oranges bubbling around inside of him

And he had just one thing he wanted in this world

He just wanted to make people laugh

That's all he wanted out of this world

He was a real happy guy

Let me tell you about this clown

He used to raise a sweat every night out on that stage

And just wouldn't stop

That's how hard he worked

He was trying to make people laugh

He used to have this cute little gimmick

Where he had a seal follow him up and down a step-ladder

Blowing "Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean" on a

B-flat Sears Roebuck Model 1322 A plastic bugle

A real cute act

But they didn't laugh

Ah, you know, a few little things here and there, but not really

And he was booking out in all these tank towns

Playing the Rotary Club, and the Kiwanis Club

And the American Legion Hall

And he just wasn't making it

And he had all these wonderful things going on inside of him

All these greens and yellows and all these oranges

He's a real happy guy

And all he wanted to do was to make these people laugh

That's all he wanted out of this world is to make people laugh

And then something began to grow

Something that just wasn't good began to grow inside of this guy

You know, it's a funny thing

Something began to trouble this clown

You know little things, little things once in a while would happen

That would make that crowd begin to move

But they were never the right things

Like for example the time the seal got sick on the stage

All over the stage

The crowd just, just broke up, you know, little things like that

And they weren't supposed to be in the act

And they weren't supposed to be funny

This began to trouble him, and it bothered him

This little thing began to grow inside

All those greens and all those oranges, all those yellows

They just weren't as bright as they used to be

And all he wanted to do was to make that crowd laugh

That's all he wanted to do

There was this one night in Dubuque

When he was playing this Rotary Club

All these dentists, and all these druggists

All these postmen sitting around

And they were a real cold bunch, nothing was happening

He was leaving the stage when he stumbled over his ladder

And fell flat on his face, just flat on his face!

When he stands up he's got this bloody nose

He looks out at the crowd and that crowd is just rolling on the floor

He's just knocked them flat out!

This begins to trouble him even more

And he begins to see something, he begins to see something

And right about here things began to change, but really change

Not the least of which our clown changes his act

Bought himself a set of football pads

A yellow helmet with red stripes

Hired a girl who dropped a five-pound sack of flour on his head

Every night

From maybe twenty feet up

Oh man, what a bit, that just broke 'em up every night

But not like Dubuque

And all those colors

All those yellows, all those reds, all those oranges

A lot of gray in there now, a lot of blue

And all he wanted to do was to make this crowd laugh

That's all he wanted out of this world

They were laughing alright

Not like Dubuque, but they were laughing

And the dough started to come in

He was playing the big towns

Chicago, Detroit

And then it was Pittsburgh one night

Real fine town, Pittsburgh, you know

About three-quarters way through his act, a rope broke

Down came the backdrop, right on the back of the neck

And he went flat

And something broke

This was it

It hurt way down deep inside

He tried to get up

He looked out at the audience

And you should've, man you should've, you should've seen that crowd

They was rolling in the aisles

This was bigger than Dubuque

This was bigger than Dubuque!

He really had 'em going

But this was it

This was the last one

This was the last one

Yeah

This was the last one

He knew now

Man, he really knew now!

But it was too late

And all he wanted was to make this crowd laugh

Well, they were laughing

But now he knew

That was the end of the clown

And you should have seen the bookings coming in

Man, his agent was on the phone for twenty-four hours

The Palladium, MCA, William Morris

But it was too late

He really knew now!

He really knew

He really knew now

William Morris sends regrets