Fingertips

When I look back, tracing fingertips over plastic bags

Thinking, "I wish I could extrapolate some small intention

Or maybe get your attention for a minute or two"

Will I die? Or will I get to that ten-year mark?

Where I beat the extinction of telomeres?

And if I do, will you be there with me, Father, Sister, Brother?

Charlie, stop smoking, Caroline, will you be with me?

Will the baby be alright? Will I have one of mine?

Can I handle it even if I do? You said that my mind

It's not fit, or so they said, to carry a child, I guess I'll be fine

It wasn't my idea, the cocktail of things that twist neurons inside

But without them, I'd die

They say there's irony in the music, it's a tragedy, I

See nothing Greek in it

Give me a mausoleum in Rhode Island with Dad, Grandma, Grandpa

And Dave, who hung himself real high

In the National Park sky, it's a shame, and I'm crying right now

To get to you, save you, if I take my life

Find your astral body, put it into my eyes

Give you two seconds to cry

Take you home, I, I'll give you a blanket

Your spirit can sit and watch TV by my side

'Cause, baby, I ran through a time when I felt you were doing it

I couldn't handle it, I was in Monaco

I couldn't hear what they said on the telephone

I had to sing for the prince in two hours

Sat in the shower

Gave myself two seconds to cry

It's a shame that we die

When I was 15, naked, next-door neighbors did a drive-by

Pulled me up by my waist, long hair to the beach side

I wanted to go out like you, swim with the fishes

That he caught on Rhode Island beaches

But, sometimes, it's just not your time

Caroline, what kind of mother was she to say I'd end up in institutions?

All I wanted to do was kiss Aaron Greene and sit by the lake

Twisting lime into the drinks that they made

Have a babe at 16, the town I was born in, and die

Aaron ended up dead and not me

What the fuck's wrong in your head to send me away never to come back?

Exotic places and people don't take the place of being your child

I give myself two seconds to cry

Let it crash over me like the waves in the sea

Call me "Aphrodite" as they bow down to me

Sunbather, moon chaser, queen of empathy

I give myself two seconds to breathe

And go back to being a serene queen

I just needed two seconds to be me