Climbing Uphill

When you come home to me

I'll wear a sweeter smile

And hope that, for a while, you'll stay

Okay, thank you

I'm climbing uphill, Jamie

Climbing uphill

I'm up every morning at six

And standing in line with two hundred girls

Who are younger and thinner than me

Who have already been to the gym

I'm waiting five hours in line

And watching the girls just coming and going

In dresses that look just like this

'Til my number is finally called

When I walk in the room

There's a table of men

Always men, usually gay

Who've been sitting like I have and listening all day

To two hundred girls

Belting as high as they can!

I am a good person

I'm an attractive person

I am a talented person

Grant me grace!

When you come home

I should have told them I was sick last week

They're gonna think this is the way I sing

Why is the pianist playing so loud?

Should I sing louder?

I'll sing louder

Maybe I should stop and start over

I'm gonna stop and start over

Why is the director staring at his crotch?

Why is that man staring at my résumé?

Don't stare at my résumé

I made up half of my résumé

Look at me, stop looking at that, look at me

No, not at my shoes

Don't look at my shoes

I hate these, hate these stupid shoes

Why did I pick these shoes?

Why did I pick this song?

Why did I pick this career?

Why does this pianist hate me?

If I don't get the callback

I can go to Crate and Barrel with mom and buy a couch

Not that I want to spend a day with mom

But Jamie needs space to write

Since I'm obviously such a horrible, annoying distraction to him

What's he gonna be like when we have kids?

And once again

Why am I working so hard?

These are the people who cast Russel Crow in a musical

Jesus Christ, I suck, I suck, I suck

When finally you come home to-

Thank you

Thank you very much

I will not be the girl stuck at home in the 'burbs

With the baby, the dog, and the garden of herbs

I will not be the girl in the sensible shoes

Pushing burgers and beer nuts and missing the clues

I will not be the girl who gets asked how it feels

To be trotting along at the genius's heels

I will not be the girl who requires a man to get by

And I