Dear Doctor - 50th Anniversary Edition

Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleeping, it's a-beating

Can't you please tear it out, and preserve it right there in that jar?

Oh help me, please mama, I'm sickening

It's today that's the day of the plunge

Oh, the gal I'm to marry is a bow-legged sow

I've been soaking up drink like a sponge

"Don't you worry, get dressed," cried my mother

As she plied me with bourbon so sour

"Pull your socks up, put your suit on"

"Comb your long hair down"

"For you will be wed in the hour"

So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

I'm sleeping, it's beating

Can't you please tear it out, and preserve it right there in that jar?

Yep

Oh help me, please doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleeping, it's a beating

Can't you please tear it out, and preserve it right there in that jar?

I was trembling, as I put on my jacket

It had creases as sharp as a knife

I put the ring in my pocket, but there was a note

And my heart it jumped into my mouth

It read, "Darling, I'm sorry to hurt you"

"But I've no courage to speak to your face"

"But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou"

"There'll be no wedding today"

So help me, please doctor, I'm damaged

You can put back my heart in its hole

Oh mama, I'm crying tears of relief

And my pulse is now under control

Yeah