A Fine Romance

A fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend this is

We should be like a

Couple of hot tomatoes

But you're as cold as

Yesterday's mashed potatoes

A fine romance, you won't nestle

A fine romance, you won't wrestle

I might as well play bridge

With my old maid aunt

I haven't got a chance

This is a fine romance

Yes a fine romance, with no kisses

A fine romance, my friend this is

We two should be like clams in a dish of chowder

But we just fizz like parts of seidlitz powder

Yes a fine romance, with no glitches

A fine romance, with no glitches

Just as hard to land as the "Isle de France"

I haven't got a chance

This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my good fellow

You take romance, an' I'll take jello

You're calmer than the seals

In the Arctic Ocean

At least they flap their fins

To express emotion

A fine romance with no quarrels

With no insults and all morals

I've never mussed the crease

In your blue serge pants

I never get the chance

This is a fine romance

Yes, a fine romance, my dear judges

Two old fogies who need crutches

True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime does

Oh we don't have the thrills the march of time has

A fine romance, my good woman

My strong aged in the wood, woman

You never give the orchids I sent a chance

No you like cactus plants

This is a fine romance

A fine romance, my dear duchess

Two old fogies who need crutches

True love should have the thrills that a healthy crime has

You know Louie we don't have half the thrills

That the march of time has

You're telling me

Fine romance, my very good woman

My strong aged in the wood woman

You never give the orchids I sent a glance

No I prefer cactus plants

This is a fine romance