Online

I work down at the pizza pit

And I drive an old Hyundai

I still live with my mom and dad

I'm five foot three and overweight

I'm a sci-fi fanatic, a mild asthmatic

Never been to second base

But there's a whole 'nother me that you need to see

Go check out MySpace

'Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six foot five and I look damn good

I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate

And I love a good glass of wine

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious

'Cause even on a slow day

I can have a three-way chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

So much cooler online

I get home, I kiss my mom

And she fixes me a snack

And I head down to my basement bedroom

And fire up my Mac

In real life, the only time I've

Ever even been to LA

Was when I got the chance with the marching band

To play tuba in the Rose Parade

But, oh, online, I live in Malibu

I pose for Calvin Klein, I've been in GQ

I'm single and I'm rich

And I got a set of six-pack abs that will blow your mind

It turns girls on that I'm mysterious

I tell 'em I don't want nothin' serious

'Cause even on a slow day

I can have a three-way chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

When you got my kind of stats, it's hard to get a date

Let alone a real girlfriend

But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight

Every time I log in

Oh, online, I'm out in Hollywood

I'm six foot five and I look damn good

Even on a slow day

I can have a three-way chat with two women at one time

I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

Hey, I'm so much cooler online

Yeah, I'm cooler online

(Yeah, he's cooler online)

Hey, I'm cooler online (oh, oh)

(Yeah, he's cooler online)

Yeah, I'm sittin' alright

Hey, I'm cooler online

(Yeah, he's cooler online, hey)